The Vlog of the Danish Prince
by demifics
Summary: *title to change* We're being forced to do a vlog for class. If it were up to us, we wouldn't be doing this, we'd be- Right, that's enough, Hamlet. You guys get to follow the Danish Prince here around his glamorous life. Have fun. (A modern retelling of Shakespeare's Hamlet, told through vlogs and cameras *possibly to be filmed*)
1. Vlog 1: Introducing His Royal Highness

This is the first draft of my modern Hamlet, and like the description says, it's all told through vlogs and cameras (cell phones, security cameras, but mostly - and there's a good chance only - through the vlogs. While I have read Hamlet (obviously) and consider myself to understand it pretty well, I haven't really gone much into it. I will junior year when we read it in English, but right now, I'm just going with what feels right. It is my first draft, so critiques and comments are greatly appreciated. I may or may not post updates and changes. It's written like a script (or my version of a script) because maybe someday it might be a webseries? I don't know.

Idea for the vlogs being a project from Jules and Monty. Check it out!

* * *

HORATIO turns on the camera. All that is seen is HORATIO'S torso/waist; his button-up shirt tucked into jeans.

**HOR.**

Okay, and it's on. _(steps back and bends/squats down a little to look into the camera, his face visible)_

**HAM. **(Off-screen to left)

Wait what?

**HOR.**

_(turns to Hamlet) _You know, the camera.

**HAM. **

Why do we have a video camera, and why is it on?

**HOR.**

Our project? For Communication?

**HAM.**

No. Turn it off.

**HOR.**

Haml-

**HAM.**

_(starting to get angry) _Now!

HORATIO steps back towards the camera and pretends to push a button. He winks at the camera and picks it up.

View swings to floor as he points it towards the floor. HORATIO and HAMLET'S shoes are visible.

**HAM.**

_(sighs, calmer) _Thank you.

**HOR.**

Come on, we've got to do it eventually.

**HAM.**

I'm not doing it.

**HOR.**

You have to.

**HAM.**

Said who?

**HOR.**

Oh, I don't know, our teacher?

**HAM.**

Why am I even taking this shitty class?

**HOR. **

Because _I'm_ taking it dumbass. You signed up for it. You didn't have to.

**HAM.**

Ugh, really? You're going to yell at me about this too? Not now.

**HOR.**

_(sighs, view moves as HORATIO cross arms. Cluttered desk now in view.) _Look, I know you're upset, about everything, but it's been almost a month. We - you - have to start doing schoolwork again.

HAMLET groans

No seriously, Hamlet. I'm less behind than you, but we're still behind. We were lucky enough to have this long without starting the project. Everyone else started two weeks ago.

**HAM.**

But it's stupid.

**HOR.**

It's just a vlog! It'll take literally three minutes of your time once a week. You don't even have to be in all of them, just half.

**HAM.**

Then I'll start next time.

**HOR.**

We have to do an introduction vlog.

**HAM.**

Do it yourself.

**HOR.**

_(pause to roll eyes, still OS) _We have to do it together.

**HAM.**

Why?

**HOR.**

Because it's part of our grade.

**HAM.**

Eh. Maybe later.

**HOR.**

How about now? _(points camera at Hamlet)_

HAMLET comes into view. He's lounging on a chair, his sweatshirt falling off his shoulder and his hair a mess.

**HAM.**

Hey! _(the view swings as Hamlet swats the camera away) _You're such an asshole! Why am I even friends with you?!

Camera is now back in it's original spot. HORATIO is sitting in a chair and HAMLET is laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

**HOR.**

Hi. Hey. Hello...there…

HAMLET looks up, still laying down with his chin on his chest, and stares at him. HORATIO notices and turns to look at him.

What? I don't know what I'm doing.

HAMLET rolls his eyes and lays back down.

I'm Horatio and I'm a sophomore at Wittenberg University. I currently don't know what my major is or what I want to do when I get out of school, but I'm taking all the classes I can. And this is…

HORATIO waits for HAMLET to answer. HAMLET doesn't sit up.

Hamlet. Hamlet it's your turn. … _(pokes Hamlet in the stomach)_

HAMLET flinches and rolls to his side, arms hugging his stomach.

Okay, seriously?

HAMLET reaches up, grabs HORATIO'S collar and pulls him down. He whispers something to him before releasing him. HORATIO sighs.

Hamlet says that I told him that he doesn't have to do anything, so he's not talking. So I'll talk for him. _(smiles) _

This _(motions to Hamlet, and then pokes him in the arm) _is someone you probably already know. But, let me introduce, Prince Hamlet of Denmark. _(makes a large gesture) _Bold, handsome, caring, swoon-worthy, loving, lazy, brilliant, an ass, generous, and how can we forget to talk about his _actual _ass, which is perfect for stari-

**HAM.**

_(sits up and throws a pillow at Horatio) _Shut up!

**HOR.**

Wow! Was that the wind? Sorry about that. What was I saying? Oh yes, the Prince of Denmark's ass-

**HAM.**

I swear to god, Horatio, if you don't stop talking, I will make you stop.

**HOR.**

Really? How do you plan on doing that.

**HAM.**

_(glares and tackles Horatio off the chair)_

**HOR.**

_(groans in pain then laugh)_ You spoke.

**HAM.**

_(looks up at the camera) _Oh shit.

**HOR. **

_(shoves Hamlet off him) _Just get in front of the camera.

HAMLET grabs the pillow stealthily (not really shown, just small movement) and gets to his feet. HORATIO stands up and fixes his clothes. HAMLET whacks him in the head with the pillow.

**HOR.**

Hey!

**HAM.**

_(slumps on the bed) _I hate you.

**HOR.**

_(rolls eyes) _Yeah yeah, just introduce yourself.

**HAM.**

Hamlet. Sophomore. Wittenberg. Prince. Denmark. Majorless. _(falls back on his back)_

**HOR.**

Okay, cryptic. That's cool.

**HAM.**

_(groans) _What are we even doing?!

**HOR.**

Making a vlog.

**HAM.**

You know what I mean. _(pause) _So are we done here?

**HOR.**

What? Like you have somewhere else to be?

HAMLET grabs a book (small) from the table next to the bed and throws it at HORATIO'S head, just missing.

**HAM.**

I'm sure I do.

**HOR.**

_(surprised) _You're actually going to do something? Really?

**HAM.**

_(rolls his eyes) _Why is that so surprising.

**HOR.**

Uh...it's not. Not at all.

**HAM.**

_(sits up and walks of of view, door opens, hear it?)(teasingly) _You can't lie to me Horatio, I know your tell. _(door slams shut)_

**HOR.**

_(turns back to the camera and raises eyebrows) _People of the internet, you just saw the Prince of Denmark go do something. That's an accomplishment. You are all blessed. _(smiles and shakes his head) _Maybe that idiot will finally get out of his funk. And do some schoolwork. _(softer) _God knows he's behind...Um, anyway, I don't think I have anything else to say, so see you guys next time we make one of these things.

… Yeah. … I don't know how to end this… Bye.

_(screen to black, sudden like turning off a camera)_


	2. The Prince's Girlfriend (Maybe)

So basically, I saw this:  post/81789029378/so-were-reading-hamlet-in-english-class-and-i-am on my dash, and it became...a thing? I don't know how I feel about it, not yet, anyway, but I might keep it in. I made some really...really bad jokes in this one, but that's what happens when I write late at night. You might not even notice they're there they're so bad. (Is that grammatically correct? I have no idea) Also, not so sure about the characterization of Horatio and Ophelia. Oph was difficult because I didn't want her to seem weak but I didn't want her to change too much from the original text. I don't know how it worked…or if I like the nickname… Anyway, any feedback is welcome!

* * *

The Prince's Girlfriend (Maybe)

HORATIO turns on the camera. He holds it up and forces a smile.

**HOR.**

Hi guys. There have been some...um...developments.

**HAM. **(OS)

_(clearly in a terrible mood) _Shut it off! I don't want to talk to the fucking camera right now!

**HOR.**

_(looks over to Hamlet) _Hey! Language! Our teacher is going to be watching this.

**HAM.**

_(snaps) _Just edit it out.

**HOR.**

I can't edit the five seconds you're in it out.

**HAM.**

Why not? Just bleep it or something. You're the damn genius, figure it out.

**HOR.**

_(rolls eyes)_ Do you want to tell them? _(view turns to Hamlet)_

**HAM. **

_(glares) _I swear to god, Horatio, if you do not turn the fucking camera off I _will_ punch it. I will _destroy _it.

**HOR. **

Okay then. So um...one second.

View turns away from HAMLET and to a door. The door opens and HORATIO steps out into the hall. He closes the door and turns the camera back to him.

Sorry about that. This is a pretty sensitive topic for Hamlet, so I figured I'd spare him this. Plus, this isn't my camera.

You probably know that Hamlet's father died recently. Last month actually. That's why Hamlet and I are back at Elsinore. Anyway, Ham's mother is - was -...lonely. And now...she's um… She's...dating? his uncle, Claudius. And it's… _(makes a face, eyes widen and eyebrows rise) _I-I mean, the Queen and Claudius are-

**OPH. **(OS)

Horatio? What are you doing?

**HOR. **

_(looks over to her, relieved) _Oh, hey Oph. Just filming a vlog for class. Want to say hi? _(turns camera to her) _Internet, meet Ophelia, senior in high school, daughter of Polonius, the King's advisor.

**OPH.**

_(smiles) _Hi. What are you talking about?

**HOR.**

Oh you know, the latest _scandal._

**OPH.**

_(eyes widen) _Oh. That.

**HOR.**

Yeah, that's why I'm in the hall. Hamlet didn't want to talk about it and I figured I'd update all the viewers.

**OPH.**

Viewers? Do you have a lot?

**HOR.**

Wow, way to change the subject, Oph. But yes. When you have the "sexiest prince in history!" on your vlog, you get a lot of viewers.

**OPH.**

Which tabloid is that from?

**HOR.**

No idea, just made it up. Any comments on Gertrude and Claudius?

**OPH.**

Nothing I want to say on the Internet. Or out loud.

**HOR.**

You wouldn't get in trouble. No one here knows about it. They will soon, but they don't at this moment.

**OPH.**

You know they can still see the videos. Even if you make them private. They're royalty, Horatio, there isn't much they can't do.

**HOR.**

I promise I'll edit it out if I - or you - think it's inappropriate.

**OPH.**

I don't think…

**HOR.**

Please? For me and Hamlet's grade?

**OPH.**

_(sighs)_ I just... It's a little, um, unconventional.

**HOR.**

That's one way to put it.

**OPH.**

What do you want me to say?

**HOR.**

Hamlet would want you to say it's creepy and weird and then have you contemplate the meaning and pointlessness of life. And then he'd probably kiss you a lot.

**OPH.**

_(turns bright red) _Cut it out!

**HOR.**

Oh you know it's true.

**OPH.**

Seriously, Horatio?

**HOR.**

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. But the first part is true. Even the meaning and pointlessness of life.

**OPH.**

_(concerned) _Really? Is he alright?

**HOR.**

He was getting better, but his mother and uncle definitely made it worse. It's a pretty dark place.

**OPH.**

I didn't think…

**HOR.**

Well obviously not. He's locked himself in his room, and I'm the only one who can get in. I have to make sure he eats and everything. It's like finals week all over again.

**OPH.**

Take care of him for me, okay?

**HOR.**

When do I not?

**OPH.**

_(smiles, turns to a frown) _Wait, did he become a philosophy major?

**HOR.**

_(laughs) _No, but it seems like he did sometimes.

**OPH.**

Well, have fun with that. I have to go see my dad. Now that Hamlet's back, we get to have another talk.

**HOR.**

Oo you better get moving then. You don't want an even longer speech.

**OPH.**

_(shakes head) _I know how to deal with my father. And _you_, Horatio, are the one making me late.

**HOR.**

Just go! _(turns camera back towards his face)... _That, incase you didn't know, was also Hamlet's...girlfriend. I think. They dated when he was a junior and senior and when she was a freshman and sophomore, but since we've gone to college, it's… You know what, I don't actually know, so we aren't going to make any assumptions. I think I've said enough and this is probably just starting to get boring now, so I'm going to go now. Bye.

_(camera off, screen to black)_


End file.
